I have committed to a 2020 shopping fast – it’s an adventure I have never embarked on, but I am taking this on for very intentional reasons. Every time I have shared this with friends, I get a lot of questions around the what but more importantly the why behind this project. I get reactions that whoa – this is going to be hard and I’ll not lie it’s already hard (keep reading for more details!)

The what – I am committing to not buying shoes, clothes and accessories for myself for all of 2020. Gifts along these categories are allowed (not for myself though, ha, I do like buying gifts for myself so had to call this out!)

The why – I have not been a big shopper in my life and typically have a healthy relationship with shopping and stuff. I am a deal shopper for the most part and my most expensive pieces of clothing are typically outerwear and don’t think I have a dress that costs more than $100.

Having said that – I “intentionally” indulged in clothing, shoes and accessories this past year. I had promised myself some good quality stuff for my promotion and when that happened, I honored my word to myself. I also realized I enjoyed dressing up and it added to both my confidence and my joy. In many ways, dressing up well meant honoring my body that had worked hard to make two children and with breastfeeding and diapers behind me, the fog was lifting a bit, and I wanted to savor and celebrate my 36 year old self. It was also a recognition that 46 won’t be the same as 36…

So, as you can tell there was alignment and integrity in many ways.

And yet there was a bit of guilt, a bit of a conundrum too in that I needed clothes and shoes and jewelry to celebrate my rich and beautiful life. Thankfully, that was a small part of the process and I did my best to focus on noticing my feelings, watching the tension when it arose and then making mindful choices which at that point felt like acquiring the right stuff that I knew I’d enjoy for the next many years!

And that brought me to pausing for a bit this year as I felt I had enough in my closet – enough to make me feel good about the person I am and honor my body in nurturing ways beyond the clothes in my closet. I wanted to pause to notice my urge to shop and practice self-control. I wanted to pause to free up head-space from deal shopping and put energy and money into other things this year. I have to say it was hard to be at the banana republic store the other day (which I went to return a dress I bought during the holidays) and found a beautiful silk pajama set at a very good price in my size but I chose to stick to my commitment. I had also liked a skirt at the store a few weeks back and was hoping to buy it as part of my 2019 list but unfortunately didn’t get to it and there was a moment of sadness to know that I am going to let go of it. It was a beautiful experience to recognize the longing for a skirt and with that acceptance, watch it disappear. I know these feelings will come again and it has been a powerful exercise in mindfulness to notice, accept and simply watch it go.

And I think such is life and something as basic as clothing and dressing up brings up emotions, choices and feelings around integrity and alignment. For now, I am going to savor and enjoy all the wonderful things I am grateful to own, the healthy body I get to experience life in and the beautiful life that is here and now!

P.S. – I recently finished my coach training and will be starting my certification where I will need to take on clients to complete my 100 hours. If you are curious or interested in coaching, reply to this email and we can chat!