I was let go from my job last week.
A job that felt like an absolute dream job when I started yet things shifted over time and was a powerful reminder that some chapters in our lives don’t go as we hope and plan them to be.
I experienced a myriad of emotions – grief, disappointment, sadness all in smaller doses than I had expected along with a lot of gratitude, peace, and acceptance in much larger doses. A testament to the complexity and richness of the human mind to experience a broad array of emotions all at the same time.
And here I was at the edge of an ending with beautiful glimpses of what was on the other side of the horizon.
And I was in a space of trusting life, trusting myself and trusting all the goodness around me as I enter a phase of significant uncertainty and profound beauty.
Life is a series of beginnings and endings. Sometimes we get to choose our own endings, sometimes the endings choose us. When an ending chooses us, it can often feel disempowering and bring emotions of grief and disappointment. Endings can be painful and scary especially when they choose us. They often mark the end of something familiar, sometimes comforting, and can be unsettling.
Yet, we (almost) always have the power of owning the meaning we make of that chapter and the ending even though at the moment that can feel tough.
Endings can also mark the creation of an in-between stage. A space that gives us permission to integrate, process, and reflect on a chapter. It can give us some distance from the lived experience and more importantly an opportunity to honor and express gratitude for that chapter. Endings can make room for new beginnings, for watering the seeds that were planted, for callings longing to be birthed, and for stories yearning to be told. Sometimes a chapter may bring such deep trauma & grief that gratitude may not be available but for most of life’s chapters, there can be beauty and abundance (alongside the pain) when we are able to see it.
I have been surprising myself by how calm and accepting I have been feeling of the situation. Perhaps it is the magic of having space to process grief and disappointment. In some ways, it is the power of trusting that sometimes the universe knows what’s better for us. In some ways, it is years of work befriending and loving myself unconditionally, my practice of self-compassion that is helping me accept this reality. I am learning more about surrender and choosing love over and over again.
I’d lie if I told you there was no pain, grief, disappointment, or sadness. They are all there yet they hold less power over me than they may have in the past. For the last year, my deepest spiritual and leadership practice was on accepting my own feelings and the metaphor I use is – “they are all welcome on my couch” and over time acceptance has softened their grip on me.
I am currently savoring having a lot of open space, a slow and simpler way of moving through my day, being more present and more loving in my parenting, and taking care of my body and mind.
As for my new beginning, I am hoping to spend more time on activities that happened on the margins of my life. I hope to write and coach more and create online communities for mothers to claim their power and brilliance in the world.
Pic Credit: Tomoko Uji