This is perhaps my first new years eve where I don’t have big lofty goals for the year ahead. No drastic (intentional) changes that I am planning to make, no bold achievements that I want to commit myself to. I sat with this feeling for over a month trying to explore why this was the case and what is my heart truly desiring for in the new year. What do I hope to create for myself and how do I want to show up in the world?
What I most truly want for myself is peace and love. I hope to spend most of my days with awareness and not feel like I am running around to get through my day. While I have made significant progress with this over the last few years, I want this to be my intention for the year – to notice the ordinary moments, to refuel and inspire myself through the day and to bring more energy and joy in the ordinary every day moments that make my life so beautiful. Making time for a full time job, school and family doesn’t leave large chunks of downtime yet I know I have minutes throughout my day to pause and pay attention, to notice the sky, the warm sensations of soup on my tongue, the simple “I love you” texts to my husband for no reason, to share a meal with a neighbor and play in the park with my son at 6 pm on a weekday. I won’t be able to exercise for an hour every day but I can find a few minutes a few times a day to connect with and nourish my body. I hope to look more inward, connect better with myself, listen to my own mind and see what she has in store for me. I have been craving for quiet time with paints and canvas and I know I can take out a few minutes a week with a toddler running around in the background. It’s about the intentions, the small actions, the moments of paying attention, the connection with my own mind and body that translate into peace for me in this new year.
The other strong feeling that is showing up in my life is to give and practice kindness in support of the millions of those who don’t have access to life’s basic amenities. I struggle significantly trying to process poverty, rape, hunger, lack of education rights and can often get overwhelmed understanding why I have organic food on my table most nights and the luxury to sleep on a cozy bed with a down comforter and a 5 year old child cannot get a bowl of rice and beans and a simple sweater on a cold winter night. I also feel sad that I am not a part of the solution and that most of my work supports economic opportunity for a different demographic and that I as a privileged human being am doing almost nothing to empower the individuals who need the most. I want to change this for myself as this pain has been getting bigger and bigger as my own bucket seems to be getting more & fuller. I have been dreaming up a fundraiser to support children at an orphanage and will be sharing details with all of you in the coming weeks. Even though this will be an incredibly small drop in the ocean, I want to start somewhere in a way that is more impactful than I have in the past.
My life feels abundant and rich in the chaos of an ordinary modern life. I hope I continue to pay attention to these beautiful moments of joy, the unpleasant and difficult sensations of pain and confusion, the days when life feels incredibly overwhelming and I am exhausted and have no answers to the myriad of questions in my head. I hope to practice even more gratitude and find meaning in the ordinary & simple ways of moving through each day.
What does your heart truly desire for in the New Year? Where do you most need to nurture and nourish yourself? How do you hope to show up in this new year?