The media is full of articles of finding your passion, your dream and pursuing it. This advice absolutely has its merits but we don’t hear much about finding meaning in another person’s dream. A pursuit may not be yours but you may be a part of it and watch it grow, struggle & blossom. Something can be close to a loved one’s heart and that transitivity may bring it close to your heart and bring up very similar emotions as if it were yours …
Almost a year ago, my husband and a friend conceived of an idea that just recently launched a few months back. Over this period, I saw him put in many, many hours of work, make sacrifices, experience joy, thrill, excitement, confusion, uncertainty and the whole gamut of emotions of creating something from scratch. I admire him for how beautifully he made it all work along with a full time job while still being an incredibly hands on dad.
Just recently, I was having a moment of reflecting on my purpose in life and was feeling somewhat disconnected from some of my dreams in the short term. And somewhere deep inside a voice spoke up – “Sumit is able to pursue his interests and he is able to put in the effort he needs to. And in that process, I am able to do my part to be with him and THAT is part of my dream. At first it felt strange – this website isn’t my dream. This doesn’t align deeply with what I’d want to create and yet it felt like this was part of my dream.”
As I dug deeper I realized there is immense joy in watching a loved one pursue their path; there is a profound sense of purpose in watching that smile on his face and finding peace in knowing that I could do my part (however small that may be) in supporting him and that is part of MY purpose.
And then with the joy comes the occasional discomfort. There are moments when my ego and judgment totally takes over and I can get mean and make comments as – “Couldn’t you do something better for the world with your time. Why this? or This isn’t fair that you can spend all this time on your project and I cant!.”
Even typing these words make me uncomfortable. How and why would I say these things to the person I love so dearly. I may not want to work on this idea but I owe my respect to my husband’s work and that this is more than a website – it’s a labor of love, thousands of lines of code, an idea that is hoping to provide better information to people. Its fascinating how my own views of the world can cloud my appreciation for my husband’s work.
My second discomfort is again my own and enhanced by own ego. If I am unable to do something I want to do, it (almost always) has nothing to do with someone else in my life and yet it’s so much easier to blame someone else!!
As I read this post again, I am myself amazed by the human capacity to experience joy, contentment and judgment at the same time and toward the same situation. Wisdom lies in being aware, noticing and making mindful choices. I don’t always succeed but I am trying to speak and act from a place of kindness. It’s a work in progress:-)