Yes, it is over 5 months of this strange way of living. A lot is hard, uncomfortable, and painful – inside our home and outside in the world. And then there is a lot that is beautiful, abundant and joyful.
Perhaps such is life. Always.
One of the most beautiful gifts of this season has been my relationship with myself. With so much of my external life taken away almost overnight (that I acutely miss), I have had this beautiful experience of getting to know and love myself even more fully. I have had space to confront and process my fears and things that felt terribly scary a few months back but no longer terrify me with the same intensity. I have learnt to truly dream in a way I hadn’t in a very long time – you know those long lost longings both big and small that you tell yourself have to wait – I have nurtured them a lot more in my heart even if not fully out in the world.
I am more aware of needs and my triggers – when I need to sit with my pain and when it has served its purpose and I need to let it go (doesn’t mean I can always do it easily). I am more aware of the mistakes I make, when my vulnerability doesn’t serve a purpose, when I need better boundaries. and when I am holding on to something that was never mine in the first place.
This journey also means I sometimes discover things I don’t like to confront about myself, insights that can trigger shame or guilt. The beauty of having a rich relationship with myself means it is becoming a bit easier to look at myself in the mirror and love myself because of the wounds and bruises not inspite of them.
With awareness comes the courage to ask, to laugh, to cry, to say no and to start again even when giving up feels safer and easier. I am learning to hold on to what matters even when holding comes with pain and discomfort.
And somewhere very slowly, that has helped me understand and love my family more fully, show up with more courage, empathy and compassion and make decisions driven by my values.
It starts with choosing love, empathy and compassion for myself…
What are you learning? Who are you becoming?
Deep gratitude to Jac McNeil for guiding me to choosing love and showing up with power….
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